Sitting here, browsing Twitter, as you do, clicking my way through articles about film producers, actors, authors, activists, world-changers – it feels like everywhere I turn, there’s my generation. It feels like this is THE prime time. My age, my generation – it seems that almost everyone doing amazing things, everyone in the front row seats, launching stuff, creating, making a name for themselves, everyone ‘famous’ and ‘successful’ is somewhere between 26 and 36. It seems this is the age range of most people killing it right now. Has it always been like that? Is this prime time for most humans?
A little bit. Kind of. Maybe. No? I guess I just notice it more because I fall into that age spectrum right now.
That seems like a very short time window to do stuff. To do SOMETHING, anything, that will leave a mark, that will change the world, have an impact, that will establish yourself – and if this window is real, then I am already 5 years in and I feel like I have not much to show for. No pressure.
I’m in a place right now where I constantly feel behind. Like I should be more. I should be further along right now. I feel too slow. Not successful enough. Not to mention, I feel useless looking at the world events we are faced with. Every time I go online, I feel panicked. Under pressure. Because it seems like everyone is doing amazing things. Saving the world, having a great career, making babies, being awesome and whatnot. There is so much I would like to do. There is so much I still dream of. There is so much I would love to tick off my bucket list. And of course, I want to do it all yesterday.
But this is the truth right now: I feel slow and I feel scared. I am not quick enough. Not brave enough. I am 31 – and I feel like I could have done so much more at this point. I should be doing so much more. I know 5 people who are younger than me and have published books. Real freaking books. And while I have a file on my computer called ‘a book maybe’ – who knows if that maybe is going to turn into a ‘definitely’? (The reasons holding me back are worth three more blogposts alone) I don’t feel anywhere close to where I should be by now. But where ‘should’ I be?
There are people that have spoken in front of politicians at 21, launched charities at 18, have travelled the world, done such brave, incredible things, people that are millionaires before they are legally allowed to drink. It’s so easy to feel small and overwhelmed if you compare yourself to that. And I do. Honestly, I do.
Looking around it seems like everyone is faster, better, prettier, more successful, further along, smarter and everything more than me.
I know this is not real. I know this is what I see. And I know so many people reading this feel the same way about me. It’s so funny how we’re all the same that way.
If I tell myself that ‘Nadia, chill, there’s a time for everything’ – is that the truth in this very moment or is it just an excuse for not moving forward, for hiding behind fear, laziness and circumstances? How do I know which one is knocking on my door? How do I get over….this?
I celebrate my life. My people, my successes, my business. I shift my focus to what I have and who I am instead of what I don’t have and who I’m not.
But the most important thing? I ask myself, What do I want? What life do I really want?
Do I want to write a book just because it sounds cool to say ‘I have written a book’ ? Do I want to start a community, an online business, a youtube channel, a family, buy a house, start a podcast, donate that money/insert whatever you want here …. because it is the cool/sensible/trendy/normal/smart thing to do? Because it will get me recognition? What’s my purpose? Am I motivated by applause? Or by love?
What’s my definition of success? I want my reality aligned with my values. This is when I feel successful. I start feeling uneasy when I long for things just because they look good on someone else – not because I REALLY want them.
It’s knowing the difference between what I think I want and what I can’t live without. The difference between what’s popular and what’s burning on my heart.
Snap back out of it girl, you have this life. Don’t waste it wishing for another. Use it to do what you’re here to do. I forget that if I had in fact, done all of it yesterday, that would mean my life would be over and there would be no more things to look forward to.
‘There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one.’